Hey, you, driver! Andrews!
- Hiya, supe! - Don't call me soup, you're already in it.
The boss told me to scrape some of the fresh paint off you.
- That's nice of him. - No it ain't nice. We had another complaint about you.
- Some old lady. - If it was the one I think it is, she stuck an umbrella
right in my eye. If there's one thing I don't need, it's an umbrella in my eye.
Never mind that. H.P. said to remind you that the motto of our drivers is
- "patience and politeness." - Patience and politeness. That's me.
- Well, remember it! - Yeah.
Watch your step. Plenty of room in back.
Go back to the rear of the bus, please.
Will you kindly, kindly, kindly move back to the rear of the bus...
Plenty of room in back.
ELEVATOR OPERATOR: Third floor, business offices. Going down.
- Mail! - Oh, Cookie, why do you always bring mail
- right at closing time? - Who is it for?
Your boss.
Now she'll start dictating while my hot date cools off in the auto park.
Then you'll just have to nourish the hope that Miss McGonigle has a hot date, too.
That machine? She only thinks of a date as something that belongs in a tree.
Well, honey, some of your dates look as if they do.
And, Miss Turner, I'm not going to tell you that we'll be sorry to lose you...
Mail, Miss McGonigle. I rushed with it as soon as I got it.
- Tell Madge she'll be working overtime. - It's a pleasure.
You were saying you won't be sorry to lose me?
- I don't quite understand, Miss McGonigle. - I made that remark because
- I'm sure you'll be back. - Oh no. I'm getting married!
Exactly.
Pure statistics turnout. Of every ten brides, six and four tenths come asking for
their jobs before they've been married a year. Now, there's no advantage to me to
discourage a bride. But, if you stop to consider that most men act as if the principle
-reason for marriage is to have someone to cheat on... - But, Miss McGonigle,
how would you...
Don't stop, you started to ask, "How would I know?" You see, I'm not a wife.
And believe me, I do know.
Oh sit down, Madge. I'm sure you don't mind just this one night.
Don't look so surprised. I've also learned how to defend myself.
A girl can always develop her own deep freeze.
Well, it must be interesting to have a business brain, but please don't be mad.
A man can be a lot more comfort.
Then we're both satisfied. And and the best of luck to you. Sincerely.
Goodbye.
- Now then. - (BUZZER RINGING)
- Yes? - MR. KIRKLAND: Would you come into the board room, please?
Right away.
We'll have to let it go till morning, Madge, I'm sorry.
- That's alright, Miss McGonigle. - Good night.
Good night.
* Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you
* happy birthday Miss McGonigle happy birthday to you *
Well, Millie, you really were surprised, weren't you? I told you she'd be surprised!
- Now drink up. - Thank you.
Now come and see your cake, dear. It looks good enough to eat!
- Oh, it's lovely! - Well, we just happened to have a couple of bottles
and a cake with your name on it, so I said to Mr. Kirkland, "Let's have a party."
MR. KIRKLAND: I think a few words would be in order at this moment.
As a matter of fact, I had a formal speech all prepared,
but fortunately, I've forgotten it.
- Three cheers! - But I do want Miss McGonigle to know how much
I appreciate her service to our store.
During the absence of our chief personnel director she's been carrying on with
a capability which belies her youth. It seems only yesterday that she started here as
a humble stock clerk, a gawky little orphan of 14.
But her mind has been only on the right things. Work, loyalty, efficiency...
Why don't we just say we like her as a friend? It's her birthday!
Drink up, Millie, my girl.
- I'm, really... - Don't say a word.
I can't.
Except thank you. This was so unexpected, it makes me feel...
I don't know how it makes me feel.
Well, sorry, all, but I'll have to be going. It's a long way to Santa Monica.
Yes, charming party, many happy returns, McGonigle.
- Happy birthday, Millie. - Good night, Miss McGonigle. Again, congratulations.
- Thank you, sir. - Good night.
- Good night, Millie. - Good night, Mr. Willoughby.
There! Who'd know it wasn't a hat?
Even if they saw it, who'd know it wasn't a hat?
Why don't you take it, Mrs. Thomas?
I'm all alone, you know, I'll never be able to eat it.
Then ask a few friends in.
You have a champagne flush, my dear. Very becoming it is, too.
Mrs. Thomas, would you like, I mean, if you're not busy...
I thought we might have dinner or something.
Oh, my dear, I'm so sorry. I have a date.
Oh. Some other time, then.
I feel... like I've never felt before.
- I know, dear. Good night. - Good night.
Move back to the rear of the bus, please, there's plenty of room in the rear.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Please, will you pick up your feet and step to the rear of the bus.
Step in, please.
Kindly move back.
There's plenty of room in the rear of the bus.
Will you... will you kindly, kindly, kindly move to the rear of the bus.
I'm asking you just once more.
All right, if that's the way you want it.
Here we go!
MAN: Hey! Where you going?
I want to get home, I don't want to go sight seeing!
Ladies and gentlemen.
I think that you ought to know that I have achieved a state
of supreme indifference as to whether you move back in the bus or not.
Now it's all yours. You can drive it, you can push it, you can...
Patience and politeness.
So long. Au revoir! Good cheer!
(GRUMBLING)
Young man!
Young man... Oh Taxi!
Oh here, hold this. I do hope I've got a card.
Oh, that's my birthday cake. Would you like a piece of cake?
What?
- Oh, here. This will fix it! - Fix what?
Oh, you wouldn't understand, would you? Of course you wouldn't.
But you'll be needing a job now, won't you? Of course you will!
- I might. - Well then, it's very simple.
I mean, if you don't find something that you like better... Taxi!
...you have me.
Well that certainly clears things up.
Oh, I'm glad. And thank you. Some of the nicest things are happening today.
Hey!
- Hey, Dizzy, here's your fruit cake. - Oh, thank you!
I couldn't eat my cake and leave it too, now, could I?
Tommy! You're a devil!
Almost clipped you, didn't I?
You sure did, speed ball!
- The car's sure perking since I had her hopped up. - How's my pal perking?
Swell! Well?
- Oh! - The bubble gum!
Good heavens, Tommy, I forgot. Of all things!
- Oh, good evening, Miss McGonigle! - Good evening, Mrs. Hanson.
The nicest thing just happened. They gave me a party at the store...
Well it's about time, the way you slave...
Would you like a piece of my cake?
Oh no thanks, spoil my dinner. I'm going to my sister's for the night
-if Tommy's mother will ever get home. - Where did she go?
This time she said it was something about a job. She promised to be home at six.
Oh, well I'm sure Tommy will be all right.
It's time he was inside, anyway. Come on, speed ball.
- It's still light yet! - Yes, and it'll be light again in the morning. Come on.
- Go to bed with the chickens. - Don't get your feathers ruffled.
The way you are with that child, Miss McGonigle! You ought to have one of your own.
Oh, I'd love to have a mutt like this. Who wouldn't?
Will that carpenter never come?
Why haven't you gotten married? A nice girl like you!
Oh, I don't know. I'm the business type, I guess.
Well now, that seems a shame!
This is the first time I've been in your apartment.
We used to live in a house.
When your father was...
Is this your father?
It's just his picture. He was killed dead. That's his medal, too.
Why, Tommy, this is the Congressional Medal of Honor. You realize all that means?
It means I haven't got any father.
Would you like me to stay with you until your mother comes?
Who needs a babysitter?
- Are you sure? - I can handle it.
I bet you can handle anything. You're quite a fellow!
- So long, then. - So long!
Have your mother remind Mrs. Hanson about this door.
But I don't like blind dates. Who are these guys, anyway?
- You must have heard of Jack Bradley! - Is he the advertising man?
No, that's Phil Gowan. Brad's in pictures. An agent.
An agent? Are we in for that kind of an evening?
- WOMAN 1: You're young and strong, aren't you? - WOMAN 2: At least I'm young.
Well hello! Come on in, beautiful!
- (CORK POPS) - There she blows!
(LAUGHTER)
(BIRD CHIRPING)
What are you so happy about? It's not your birthday.
(LAUGHTER)
TOMMY: (CRYING) Mommy! Help! Help!
Please! Let me out!
(CRYING)
- Tommy! What's the matter? - TOMMY: Let me out!
- It's Millie, Tommy! - TOMMY: I'm locked in! I can't get out!
- Try to open the door. Pull hard! - I can't, I can't!
Oh, of course you can't, it's stuck.
Don't be frightened, Tommy!
- MAN: So long, girls! - GIRLS: Bye-bye!
- Mrs. Hanson? - TOMMY: Millie, Millie! Hurry up, get me out!
Stop it, Tommy. I'll help you.
How can any one thing make that much noise?
It's Mrs. Bassett's little boy. He's locked in here. It's terrible.
- It certainly is. - Oh, this window's open! If I could get the screen off...
Hey, hadn't you better get Mrs. Hanson?
I tried. She's spending the night away.
If this racket keeps up, she's a lucky woman.
Don't try to be funny, help me!
(TOMMY CRYING)
Isn't there some kind of a law against housebreaking?
- There's a law against abandoning children, too. - TOMMY: Let me out!
It's all right, Tommy, we'll be right there.
Shouldn't we know each other if we're sharing a life of crime?
- My name's Gowan. - Yes, I know. Peerless Advertising.
I'm McGonigle, Bullard's Department Store.
- Delighted to meet you... - Please hurry!
- Now don't rush me... - Please!
What are you doing?
- Preparing dinner. - Well, stop it and open the door.
Now you're all right, dear.
I wasn't frightened one bit.
- Of course you weren't. - How do you sound, young man, if you yell with both lungs?
- Huh? - This is Mr. Gowan, Tommy.
Where's Mommy? I didn't have any supper yet.
Oh, I'm sorry. Will you see if there's some milk in the icebox?
One bottle of milk. With nipple?
I'm quite sure he's old enough to drink from a glass.
Later on he'll be old enough to drink from a bottle again.
Well! What happened here?
- I tried to open a window. So I climbed up, and "boom!" - Oh, well, never mind.
- Now what am I going to do with you? - I don't know.
There's nothing but a tired old bottle of beer.
I guess I'll have to take you over to my place. Where are your night clothes?
In the bathroom! I can get them.
Will you write Mrs. Basset a note and pin it on the door?
"Dear Mrs. Basset. I've kidnapped your child.
"Please have ransom bills in small denominations.
- "Butch McGonigle." - Thank you for your help.
- Did you have a nice party? - Hmm? Oh that.
I guess it was a nice party. Sorry if we disturbed you.
Oh, no, you didn't. Not one bit.
- Well, good night. - Good night.
Now you'll have to be patient with me. Playing with you in the park on Sundays
is one thing, but really playing mother is something else again.
A lot of surprises happened to me today, but I never expected anything like this!
- Are you old enough to get yourself ready for bed? - Sure.
All right, let's see. Here's a towel,
some soap, and toothpaste, and a new toothbrush.
Gee, why spoil a new toothbrush?
All in all, young man, I think you'd better have a bath.
A bath? In the middle of the night?
Right now. You're pretty dirty.
It won't show with the lights off.
I should have brought you in here in the first place.
We could have had a party instead of just listening to one.
I was all alone, with nobody.
You sure were, son, and I know just how you felt.
I guess I've been that way as long as I can remember.
I bet you can remember an awful long time.
It won't seem so long after you're grown up. What are you going to be then?
I was going to be a pilot, but now I've gotta be a millionaire.
That's quite an occupation! Why have you got to be a millionaire?
To take care of Mommy.
You're a good boy, Tommy.
I wasn't kidding Mrs. Hanson when I said I wouldn't mind having someone like you.
- All finished? - Mm hmm.
I don't know if I should have let you eat cake so late at night.
- Well, I can... - Well, I can handle it.
Okay, scoot to bed then.
- Now you won't be afraid in here if I leave my door open? - Nah.
That's good. Would you, um...
Would you kiss me good night?
You want a plain kiss or a sliding?
I can imagine what a plain is, but what's a sliding?
- That was a sliding. - Oh! Thank you.
- Oh. How about saying your prayers? - Okay doke.
- Good morning, Mr. Gowan. - How'd it go?
- We had a wonderful time. - Good, good.
Mommy, Mommy!
Oh, good morning, Millie.
Good morning, Mrs. Hanson. Do you know that Mrs. Basset isn't home yet?
- My goodness. - Tommy was all alone in the middle of the night
-so I broke in and took him to my place. - Well!
Mrs. Hanson, I think you'd better call the police.
Oh, no. She probably expected me to take care of Tommy. It's not the first time.
- Just the same... - Now you run along to work and don't fret!
Just the same, I... All right.
- Goodbye, pal. - Where are you going, Millie?
- I'm late for work! - Won't you stay and play with me?
I wish I could. But I'll see you when I come home.
Don't forget, you're my boyfriend now.
Okay.
Third floor, business offices. Going up.
- She asked me to come see her. - Oh. May I have your name?
Andrews, Doug Andrews.
Mr. Douglas Andrews to see you.
The bus driver.
He says he's a bus driver.
Okay.
Whose bus do you drive?
(WOMEN WHISTLING)
Look, if you were just carried away by an impulse yesterday I'll leave quietly.
You are really independent aren't you, Mr. Andrews.
I'm just giving you a chance to get off the hook.
That's very considerate of you.
But I told you yesterday that I liked your independence.
- Sit down, please. - Thanks.
Now, to begin at the beginning... You don't have to do that, Mr. Andrews.
Now, did you have any particular job in mind?
We act on the principle that people are happiest doing the work they like.
I'd like to be a floor walker.
- A what? - A floor walker.
Really, why?
Well, I have a blue suit, and I like carnations.
You're quite a kidder, aren't you, Mr. Andrews?
No kidding, I'd make a darn good floor walker.
Well, I'm used to pushing people around.
Is this a permanent ambition or just a temporary notion?
Oh, until something better comes along...
That's too bad.
At Bullard's we like to feel that our employees are joining our happy family forever.
Lady, do you always talk like that?
With you, I guess I'd better not.
Tell me about yourself.
Anything you want to know, just ask me.
What did you do before you ran a bus?
- Well, the army ran me. - Oh, yes, of course. And before that?
Advertising copywriter.
Well, now we do have a large advertising department...
I quit because I didn't like the job.
- Then we're back to walking the... - Walking the floor.
There's something else I'd better tell you. After I got out of the army,
before I drove a bus, I wrote a book.
- What? - I wrote a book.
Oh!
Shall I go now?
That's very interesting.
I'm waiting now to see if somebody'll find it interesting enough to publish.
(BUZZER RINGING)
- What's your book about? - Well, it's about people.
Aren't books usually about people, Mr. Andrews?
Yes, Madge?
Put her on!
Hello, Mrs. Hanson.
Oh, no!
Oh, I can't believe...
When?
Oh, yes of course I will. Right now.
So I think I owe it to you to tell you about the book.
You'll have to excuse me, you really will. Come back in a day or two.
Come back tomorrow if you'd like.
I'll call you later, Madge.
What did you do to the boss? Make a pass?
Honey, I don't know whether you know it, but, uh,
you're working for quite a screwball.
(WOMEN WHISTLING)
- Mrs. Hanson! - MRS. HANSON: Oh, Millie.
- How did it happen? - It was simply terrible, dear.
Poor Mrs. Basset. It happened sometime last night.
She was cutting across Beverly Boulevard when a truck came along.
- Last night? - They didn't know who she was at first, or where she lived.
- They had to check her fingerprints. - They? Who? Where's Tommy?
The police, dear. They were here a little while ago.
They took Tommy with them. I went along too.
They took Tommy?
Someone has to take care of him.
- Where? - A foundling home.
Tommy? In one of...
How could you let them? Which one?
I have the address written down.
Well hurry, Mrs. Hanson, he'll be terrified.
May I see Tommy Bassett please?
Bassett? Oh yes...
- Are you a relative? - No, I'm a close friend.
I live in the same apartment house.
- Your name please? - Mildred McGonigle.
- May I help you? - A friend to see the Bassett child.
- Oh yes. This way please. - Thank you.
As a matter of fact I'm glad you came. Tommy's been a bit of a problem.
It's a difficult adjustment for a youngster, you know.
"...and then the little donkey threw back his ears and ran and ran and ran.
-"And as he ran and ran and..." - We'll just go through here.
"...he said 'hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw!'
-"I'm the fastest donkey you ever saw!" -(LAUGHTER)
Tommy's in here.
Why is he all alone?
He just feels a little strange yet.
In a week or so he'll be playing with the others.
In a week or so...
Hello, Tommy!
Tommy! It's Millie!
It's your pal!
I won't do it!
- Darling, nobody wants you to do... - I won't do anything!
- I won't, I won't, I wont! - Darling, please be quiet and listen to me!
You're not very old, it's true, but you've got a bright mind.
Nobody's trying to hurt you.
WOMAN: Tommy, should I bring you that nice tray of food now?
- Didn't he eat? - WOMAN: Not his lunch.
I'll eat a frog and die! I'll bet I can!
Yes, darling, I'll bet you can do anything.
I'll bet you can be a brave boy, too. And a good boy.
I want to go home.
Oh, but you see, darling, this is your home now.
With all these other children. It's like having lots of brothers and sisters.
- I want my mommy. - Oh, Tommy! Oh, Tommy!
Oh, darling.
Mr. Galloway, there's a lady here about an adoption.
WOMAN: He doesn't want to be disturbed unless it's urgent.
It is urgent. There's a child who needs a mother.
I don't know of anything more urgent than that.
WOMAN: She says it is urgent.
Yes, sir.
If you go to the office at the end of the hall
- Mr. Galloway will see you as soon as possible. - Thank you.
Good afternoon.
I'm Mr. Galloway.
But you're so young.
The girl said it was urgent.
It is. It's about Tommy Bassett.
- Oh yes, the new one. - Yes. I want to adopt him, Mr. Galloway.
I can furnish you with excellent references. I have a good job and enough money...
- Now just take it easy. - I can't take it easy, Mr. Galloway, with him needing me.
And he does. Believe me, I know. I grew up in one of these institutions myself.
Suppose we just sit down and talk about it.
- You're a businesswoman, Mrs... - You can phone Mr. Kirkland.
He's the president of Bullard's. Just ask him about Mildred McGonigle.
That's not quite what I was getting at.
I'm a businessman too. I deal in futures of children.
Quite a responsibility.
There isn't anything you can't know about me, Mr. Galloway, past or present.
Have you any other children, Mrs. McGonigle?
Children? Me? Good heavens, no!
There are generally two people facing me in an interview like this.
Now, before placing your name on our list, I would like to talk to you with your husband.
My... husband?
Too often people decide to adopt a child to fill some need in their own lives.
Say, to try to hold together a marriage which is on the brink of a failure.
Oh, but that's not true in my case, it...
couldn't be.
Good.
But surely you must have some cases where the person who wants to adopt the child
is a... widow, perhaps. Or an unmarried woman?
I'm afraid not. Why, there've been some of these I'd like to have adopted myself.
But I'm a bachelor.
So, if you'll bring in your husband to see me...
Mr. Galloway, I have no husband.
- No? - No.
- If you'd told me in the beginning... - Oh that is I'm not married...
-...yet. - Surprising. Attractive girl like...
Are you planning on being married soon?
- If I did could I have Tommy then? - I don't know. Perhaps.
How long do I have?
Well, Tommy won't be eligible for adoption at all until after a period of 60 days.
That's to give us a chance to locate any relatives who might wish to care for him.
I see, 60 days...
So if you'll bring in your fiance and let me talk to him...
Oh, no.
- Why not? - I mean, he's...
Oh, I'd be glad to bring him in just as soon as he gets here.
He's out of town right now, you see.
Oh, he's way up, in... Alaska!
Oh.
Well, I hope you'll be able to work it out.
So do I.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
Now I've got to get a husband.
Ronald Q. Smith, luggage and leather goods.
James Sweet, married.
Conway Swithers, married.
John Tucker... single!
Age: 67.
(BUZZER RINGING)
Yes, Madge. Send him in.
Well, what kind of a screwy exit have you planned for today?
I'm sorry about that. But it really was urgent.
Sit down, Mr. Andrews.
Where'd we gotten to?
Well, we were discussing my qualifications as a floor walker.
If you're really serious, I suppose it depends on how you impress Mr. Willoughby
- in your blue suit. - With a carnation.
Yes. Well let's get a few facts on you. You were in the army. How long?
- Three years. - Where?
- Pacific, everywhere from Guadalcanal to Alaska. - Alaska...
Did you say... Alaska?
Yeah.
Why, what's the matter?
Oh, nothing. Nothing, it's...
...just that I was talking about someone... in Alaska... just last night!
A coincidence.
You know, somebody ought to tell ya, you are the screwiest dame.
I haven't been able to decide why I like ya.
But you do?
Well, let's just say you don't give me a rash, huh?
Oh, I didn't mean... I only meant...
We'd better go on.
Mr. Andrews, are you...
...married?
- Me? - You're not?
Why, do I look married?
Oh, no! You're the most unmarried-looking man I've ever seen.
But you can't always tell.
Oh. Furthermore, I don't intend to get married.
- Oh? - Yeah, you just put that down there too, right down there.
Yes, um, "stubbornly single."
And now, Mr. Andrews, I'm going to ask you a question
which may seem a little peculiar to you.
Lady, nothing you could say would surprise me.
Are you fond of children?
Kids? I could take 'em or leave 'em alone.
But you're not against them, you're not anti-children?
No, I'm not, uh...
Look, what has all this got to do with my being a floor walker?
You'd be surprised...
I mean, that is, we get a lot of children in the store
and Mr. Willoughby, he's in charge of floor walkers, he's very particular.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Come in.
Excuse me, Miss McGonigle, but are you going to want me any more tonight?
I've got a date, but if you need me I can...
- Heavens! No, Madge, run along. - Thanks.
Madge! Couldn't you have asked me that on the phone?
Oh! Oh, no, I couldn't.
Um, it must be wonderful to be the way you are.
How am I?
Well, to be able to drive a bus off the main street and walk away.
Just to act on impulse.
Hey, ya know something?
There's nothing like a nice, tall, cool impulsive soda at the end of the day.
- How about having one with me, hmm? - Oh, I don't know, I...
Oh, come on, I'm not an employee yet!
Oh, but isn't it a little early...
All right.
Let's go.
Well, look, maybe it is a little early, I don't know...
How about a little bit of tea then, or some coffee, or...
hot cho... that's it, how about some hot chocolate, hmm?
Oh, do you like hot chocolate?
Yeah. Real hot chocolate. It's hard to get, though, at a soda fountain.
- It's practically impossible. - Yeah, they give you that thin watery kind.
Yes I know, and it should be made with half cream and half milk, and lots of...
Mr. Andrews, I know where we could get some proper hot chocolate.
(TEA TRAY RATTLING)
Come now, Millie, there's nothing to be nervous about.
- I'll carry that! - Oh!
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to creep up on you...
Oh, that's all right. I'm used to it.
- Oh, I mean, I... - All this, and cookies too, eh?
Oh, they're just some I bought.
Sometime I'll have to let you try the kind I...
bake myself.
You mean there are women left who can cook?
I'm really quite domestic, really.
Let's just have the lamp, shall we? I think it's much cozier, don't you?
Anything you say.
(CHINA RATTLING)
Hey. Now that looks like real hot chocolate!
Mr. Andrews... would you mind if...
would you mind if I got into something a little more...
...comfortable, Mr. Andrews?
Why should I?
Oh!
Oh, I never thought grandmother's Christmas present would come to
a fate worse than death!
Oh, why not? It's my best feature.
Nothing ever happened to her.
(LAUGHING)
You might as well face it. You're ridiculous!
Is that what you call getting into something comfortable?
I find suits very comfortable.
So do I. We have a lot in common, haven't we?
- Have we? - Yeah. Suits, and...
Uh, hot chocolate.
Hey, uh, let's be friends, huh?
Oh, wouldn't you like some music?
Here I come. Don't jump!
Or, I have records... In case you'd like those better...
I have quite a collection of... records.
Put your hands on my shoulders.
- On your shoulders? - That's right.
Well, I... I don't understand.
All right, you may take them down now.
Quite obviously that isn't what you want.
Not that it's such a bad idea though...
Oh, I think it's a perfectly revolting idea, Mr. Andrews.
I don't blame you for misunderstanding. I'm terribly sorry.
I guess I'm not very good at this sort of thing.
You're just plain silly at this sort of thing.
Of course, none of this affects your job as a floor walker.
I'll send your application to Mr. Willoughby in the morning.
With my recommendation.
Hey, it might be better all around if you were to tell me all about it.
(SIGHS)
Hey, look, there's something under that yellow hair of yours.
What is it anyway, hm?
I'm curious. I'm curious partly because I'm curious, and
uh, partly because I like you.
That's better. Now,
now why don't you come clean and tell me what is it you're trying to get, hm?
I'm trying to get a child.
- I've heard everything. - He's so darling, and he likes me.
But they won't let me adopt him unless... unless I'm married.
Oh, you mean you want to adopt a child.
Yes, he used to live across the court, and his mother was killed in a traffic accident.
Now he's an orphan. But I have to have a husband to get him.
And you were trying to trap me as a husband?
Me, a husband?
Will you get out of here?
What? I'm the last man on Earth.
Alright. You're the last man on Earth, and I don't want you.
Hey, wait a minute. We're friends again, remember?
Look, you want a husband. Okay, that's normal enough.
Every woman needs a husband. And I have no objection to marriage.
Just so it doesn't happen to me.
Look, McGonigle, you're helping me get a job, eh? Okay, turn about.
Suppose I pitch in and help you try to get a husband.
- How could you? - Advice, psychology.
Two heads are better than one.
Now look, we'll plan the campaign very, very carefully.
The objective, the strategy, the attack.
Now what men do you know?
Quite a lot, who doesn't?
Yeah, I mean, what men do you know right now that might be considered eligible?
- None. Except you. - Alright...
No! Not me, no.
What about the store? Now, Bullard's must be bristling with bachelors.
- There's a John Tucker in Men's Clothing. - Oh?
- He'll be 68 years old next February. - Uh huh.
Well, uh, how about men in the neighborhood?
Well, there is a man in the next apartment.
(GROANS) No, no, I think we'd better forget about him.
Well, what's the matter with him?
- Nothing's the matter with him. Quite the contrary. - Is he single?
Yes indeed. Mr. Gowan is decidedly single.
- But I'm afraid he's gonna stick by his decision. - Gowan...
That tall hunk of muscle that talks like his own advertisements?
Yes, Phillip Gowan, you know him?
Yeah, I've run into him a couple of times.
He's a good advertising man, if there is such a thing.
His professional life is above reproach, but his personal life, well...
He's the kind of a wolf who goes for the handiest beautiful dame,
you know what I mean? No.
Who else is there?
Oh! There's Mr. Galloway.
He's not a wolf. He's the superintendent of the founding home where Tommy is now.
- He's not married... - Good,
then we got one to go on, and we'll get more lined up as we go along.
Now, the first thing we've got to do is get you some genuine feminine oomph.
- Do you think it'll do any good? - You want Tommy, don't you?
Oh, I certainly do.
Well then, you just listen to me, and your life won't be an empty book.
(GASPS)
Would you direct me to the lingerie?
Second floor, Madame. Take the elevator.
- Thank you. - It's a pleasure, Madame.
Excellent, Mr. Andrews, excellent.
Thank you, Mr. Willoughby. Thank you.
Would you okay this, Mr. Andrews?
Thank you.
Definitely disturbing to morale, Mr. Andrews.
Definitely a blond. Definitely.
Corsets, Madame? Second floor, take the elevator.
How did you guess what was on my mind?
You're wanted in the gown department, Mr. Andrews.
On the whole, I'm pleased, Mr. Andrews. I have decided that I can give you my trust.
Mr. Willoughby, I will never betray it.
Aren't you a little young for this sort of thing?
I can handle it.
Pretty fast on the upbeat, son.
Hey!
Jeepers!
Millie, you look prettier than a Christmas tree.
- Thank you, darling. - Don't you find this charming?
Madame, that's an understatement. She's ravishing.
Will you pardon me just a moment?
So this is the object of your affections, eh?
It certainly is. Tommy, shake hands with the floor walker.
- A what? - Overlook it. I used to be a bus driver.
- This is Mr. Andrews, Tommy. - Hi.
- Now you sit right there, pal, and I'll be back in a second.
Okay.
You two look swell together. And the man who's missing from the picture
shouldn't be missing for long.
Hey, you really look terrific.
Hey, by the way, how you doing with Galloway?
He let me have Tommy for the whole afternoon.
In fact, he drove us downtown.
Oh, that's fine. Now, that's real progress.
How'd it go? What did you talk about?
- Tommy. - No, I mean the general impression.
- How did you part? What were his last words? - Why, he said goodbye.
Ha!
- Swing me! - Oh! Won't it hurt his arms?
Nah, boys are half men, and men are half monkeys. Is that right, kid?
- That's right, kid. - That's right, kid.
RECEPTIONIST: And Mr. Johnson called to say there would be a
-board meeting at 2:30 tomorrow. - Oh, thank you.
Well, don't we all look brand new?
- Hello, Mr. Galloway. - You too, Tommy.
- That's right, kid. - Tommy!
Oh, Mr. Galloway, this is Mr. Douglas Andrews.
- How do you do? - How do you do?
Well, I'm glad to meet you at last.
- Yes, and I'm glad to meet you. - Yes indeed.
Yes, sir.
- Wanna play with the children? - I wanna play baseball with Doug.
How are things in Alaska?
You were in Alaska...
- Well, once I... - No, no, he's not from Alaska.
I mean he's not the only one. There's another one.
- "Another one," what? - Oh, I'm sorry.
I suppose, I really am sorry.
"Another" what?
Oh, Miss McGonigle told me that her future...
Um, Doug, you'd better take me home now. Tommy's tired.
- Goodbye, darling. - I'm not a bit tired.
Now, you be a good boy, and I'll come and see you tomorrow.
- Would you like that? - Doug too?
What is this Doug business all of a sudden?
You haven't answered me yet. "Another," what?
Doug, I've got to go.
Do I get a sliding?
- Aw. - Please?
Okay.
- Oh, thank you! - You're okay.
- Well Tommy, supper time. - Millie...
- Very glad to have met you, even if... - Even if what?
- Goodbye, darling. - Will I see you soon?
- You sure will. - Yes, I'm coming to see Tommy tomorrow.
- Goodbye, Mr. Galloway. - Bye, Miss McGonigle. Goodbye Andrews.
- Goodbye, Tommy. - Goodbye, Millie! Goodbye, Doug!
- Goodbye, kid. - Goodbye, darling.
- What was all that double talk? - What double talk?
- About Alaska. - Oh, just something I'd said. Nothing.
Something about "your future" what?
Well, if you must know everything, I told him my
future husband was coming from Alaska.
What is he, an Eskimo?
Aren't you funny?
That's just about what you'll end up with, the way you treated Mr. Galloway.
What way? What did I do?
Ah, you brushed him off like he was a piece of furniture.
It's what you didn't do that's so bad.
Alright, I'm waiting. What didn't I do?
There was no warmth, no guile.
A new outfit, and you acted like it was still on a clothes hanger.
What should I have done, jumped on his lap and given him a big hug?
And the way you talked. The way you said, "Hello, Mr. Galloway."
- How did I say, "Hello, Mr. Galloway?" - Just like that.
"Hello, Mr. Galloway."
Perhaps I should have said it in French.
Well at least you could have used a bit more "come hither" in your tone.
To be blunt, you could have used a little more...
A little more bedroom in your tone.
Double or twin beds?
Look, Millie, it isn't, "Hello, Mr. Galloway."
It's, "Hello, Mr. Galloway."
Oh, honestly...
It is now, it's "Hello, Mr. Galloway." You try it.
- Go ahead. - Hello, Mr. Galloway.
No, no, "Hello, Mr. Galloway."
- Hello Mr. Galloway. - Yeah, that's better. Do it again.
- Hello, Mr. Galloway. - Now you're getting it. Now try with a little bit...
Well, a little bit of surprise in your voice, eh?
Now, try and dilate your pupils when you say it. Say,
"Hello, Mr. Galloway."
- Hello, Mr. Galloway. - That's it, that's it.
Hello, Mr. Galloway.
Hello.
- The man paid me. - Oh my goodness, you're honest.
Without a nickel, I'd of been paid off in laughs.
"Hello!" (LAUGHING) Carry some of these in?
- Why hello, Mr. Gowan. - Hello.
Why, hello.
- Lovely day, isn't it? - Let me help you with these.
- There didn't seem to be so many when I bought them. - Shopping spree?
- To put it mildly. - Celebrating something?
Is that the only reason a woman goes on a spree?
The usual one.
You know a lot about women, don't you, Mr. Gowan?
- Enough to admit I know nothing. - Really?
At least I can get awfully fooled.
What have you done to yourself, Butch?
Oh me, why, nothing. I've just put on a new dress.
You've put on a lot more than that. I like the way it fits.
You mean I had you fooled?
You were on the chilly side.
- It's a cozy place you have here. - Thank you.
- Here let me... - No, thank you.
Well, I'm glad I've gotten to know you a little better, neighbor.
- Are you sure? - Well, you know how it is with neighbors.
- Now we can run back and forth for a cup of sugar or something.
(CHUCKLING) Whenever you need a cup of sugar, do come by.
- Thanks so much for helping me. - Oh, not at all.
- So long, Butch. - So long.
Well, what do you know?
(PHONE RINGING)
(FLIRTATIOUSLY) Hello.
- Is Miss McGonigle there? - This is Ms. McGonigle.
It is? Well this is Doug. What's the matter, are you chewing taffy or something?
- Taffy? - Your voice sounds funny.
Oh? Well you might as well get used to it.
I planned to sit down and bat out a couple of pages tonight, but I got to thinkin'.
- What about? - About you.
- Oh? - You know, that Galloway is just the man for you.
Solid, substantial, can father children.
I think he'd make a fine husband. He's everything you should want.
- I know, but... - But what?
Well, sometimes a girl wants what she shouldn't want.
For instance, who do you suppose helped me with my packages just now?
Oh, wait just a minute, Doug. There's somebody at the door.
Alright, I'll wait.
- Just as I was about to bake a cake. -(BOTH LAUGH)
White or brown sugar? I have both.
- Which... - Oh, my shoes!
Oh no, don't go away. You look very cute with your feet on.
Hey, Millie!
How do you like that. Hello!
Butch, are you lonesome this evening?
Oh, well, not any more than usual.
Because I'm giving a little dinner party tonight, and I hoped you'd join in.
Well, I...
Hey, screwball!
Screwball!
Would you excuse me? I left someone hanging on the telephone.
Hello?
Oh Doug, I'm sorry. It was Mr. Gowan from next door.
Aw, what's the matter with your voice?
(MORE SERIOUS) Mr. Gowan, from next door. Is that better?
That's okay. Who? Now what did he want?
Oh, just being neighborly.
We're going to a party together.
- Goodnight, Doug. - Goodnight.
Hey, wait a minute!
Is this satisfactory, Mr. Gowan?
I never like to sit too close to the music, do you?
- The drummer pounds in your eardrum. - This is perfect.
Cocktail?
Should I be ashamed to confess to you that I don't drink?
- Not at all. Nothing right now, Frank. - Very nice.
I thought you said you were giving a party.
I am, for us. How many people does it take to make a party?
Well, I don't know. I never thought.
A party is the tooting of horns and a storm of confetti,
but it isn't singing on the dance floor that matters it's feeling it inside you.
- By the way, you do dance? - Oh, love to.
- Mr. Gowan... - Phil, please. We're at a party.
I want to ask you a question which may seem a little peculiar to you.
Go ahead.
Are you fond of children?
Me?
- I think that's the driest evening I've ever spent. - Oh, I'm sorry.
- One of the nicest. - Then I'm not sorry.
You know, Butch, you've got something. What it is, I don't know yet, but
I'm afraid you're going to bring out the best in me.
I don't remember leaving my lights on. Why, I never do.
Uh, I'm uh... awfully dry though.
Goodnight, Phil. It was lovely.
- Awfully dry. - Oh, there's only milk in the ice box.
- Well, is it a cold, wet, glass of milk? - Phil,
let's not spoil it.
- Well, aren't we out late? - (MILLIE GASPING)
- Doug! - You know, I had the darnedest time talking my way in here.
- What are you doing in my apartment? - That Mrs. Hanson,
- a very suspicious character. - Doug.
Well, did we have a good time, hm?
Phil, as we were saying, won't you come in, please?
Thank you.
Phil, this is Mr. Douglas Andrews. Mr. Gowan.
- How do you do? - Hi.
Um, Mr. Andrews is just sort of an acquaintance of mine.
He works in the store, you see.
That's right, I'm just sort of an acquaintance. (CLICKING TONGUE)
Look, old man, I'm just a neighbor.
Phil, did you mean what you said about the milk?
- I certainly did. - Sure, honey, get the man a glass of milk.
- Sit down, old man. - Have a chair yourself.
- What do you do at the store, Andrews? - I'm a floor walker.
- Oh? - Yeah.
Do you find it interesting, walking a floor?
You may be doing that yourself some day.
- Fathers sometimes have to. - I've heard.
Thank you.
- Well now, what did we do? - We went dancing.
Well then, you must be tired.
- Hm? - Not at all.
- Well, you must be tired. - I'm awfully tired of something.
Well, if you have to floor-walk all day long, you must be pretty tired yourself.
Who, me? Never. It's a trick I learned in the army. Always conserve your strength for
emergencies. Were you in the army?
- Navy. - Hm, I thought so.
Well, I remember on Guadalcanal...
- Were you on Guadalcanal? - No.
Hm, I thought not. Well,
this is a long story, but it's very interesting.
Ah, this was the fifth day of the attack.
And there we were for five days without a wink of sleep.
Of course, in our fix, to sleep was to die, so...
And another time: this will fascinate you.
It was near the end of the Okinawa campaign.
- Oh, were you in Okinawa? - MILLIE: You told us about Okinawa.
- DOUG: Yes, but not this part. Now as I was saying... - MILLIE: And saying,
and saying...
DOUG: The Japs were about to surrender, but from the battle they were putting up,
you'd, well, you'd never guess it.
No, sir, you'd never guess it. So it was all work and no sleep.
All work and no sleep.
- Tired, Gowan? - Yes. I am.
I guess I'd better turn in at that.
I guess we'd all better turn in at that.
I'm awfully sorry, old man.
- Goodnight! - Goodnight.
- Sorry, neighbor. - Well, that's alright.
- Could I borrow another cup of sugar soon? - Please do. Goodnight.
Goodnight, Butch.
- Doug, I'm furious. - You know, I thought the guy would never give up.
Whatever gave you the idea that I can't take care of myself
without your protection?
If he'd stuck it out for five minutes more,
I don't think I'd been able to think up another lie.
You know, your interference in my life can get boring.
Honey, the guy's no good for you.
Well, you kindly let me decide who's good for me.
- Hm, that's the way you cut it? - That's the way I cut it.
You know, you're cute when you're mad.
Oh!
Right down the middle!
Curve one, Millie!
Alright, you asked for it.
I can handle it!
- Hot stuff. - Oh, you're going already?
- If I expect to make that plane. - We'll miss you.
That's pretty flattering, lady, seeing it's only for a week.
- Oh, we will. - Do you, uh...
Do you suppose I could break this up for a minute?
- Oh, certainly. - Okay, friend?
Okay.
-(MILLIE SIGHS) - You're really wrapped up in that kid.
- Like a package. Blame me? - TOMMY: Look at me, Millie!
I'm looking, darling.
- Millie, you mind answering a question? - Oh, but careful, Tommy!
- What do you hear from Alaska? - Hm?
- Alaska. - Where?
- Alaska, Millie. - Oh!
- Your young man, is he arriving soon? - Oh, him.
- Yes, Millie. - Yes, well, um, not right away.
Oh, but perhaps fairly soon. I hope.
Oh, you know, Ralph, they had the most awful weather up there last winter.
- Cold. - And the frost bite!
- Your toes and your nose, it's devastating! - Mmhmm.
In fact, it's practically evaporating, isn't it, Millie?
- Huh? - Millie McGonigle,
there isn't any young man from Alaska, is there?
Oh, Ralph, I'm terribly ashamed I lied to you, I really am.
- Millie... - I wanted Tommy so much, and you said...
- Must he be from Alaska, Millie? - I had to have... Hm?
- I've known you how long, two months? - Uh huh.
I don't know why a thing like this should be blurted out, but
I suppose if nothing were ever blurted out, I...
A lot of things would never get said.
(CAR HORN HONKING)
- It couldn't happen! - Why, Doug!
- It couldn't happen, but it did. - What?
TOMMY: Hey, Doug!
Hiya, mush face! Millie, I... I...
I can hardly believe it myself, but you're looking at an author.
- Me. - Doug, no!
- Now we can have some fun! - I got myself a publisher.
Play catch with me, will ya, huh?
- Well sure, I'll play anything! - Jeepers!
- What publisher? - RALPH: Millie...
Mitchell Press.
The trouble with Millie, she hasn't got a curve.
- Ha, you hear that? Even little boys notice! - When, Doug, the book?
- Fall publication... - Millie, I...
I'm going to New York next week.
- Gonna talk about a second one. - That's wonderful.
Wonderful, terrific, goodbye.
- Oh, Ralph! - What's going on?
Oh, Ralph, I'm terrible sorry.
- Did I break up something? - You certainly did.
Hey, I wouldn't have...
Oh, that's the last thing...
Great littler freezer-outer, aren't you?
- Well, why didn't you say something? - TOMMY: Hey, throw it!
- And why didn't he? - You know something?
- Huh? - I'm absolutely certain he was about to propose.
- Propose? - (CHUCKLING) Yeah.
- Well knock me down... - (MILLIE LAUGHING)
I'm awfully glad you're back, Ralph,
but Doug and I are taking Tommy on a picnic today.
- It wasn't so long ago that... - Tomorrow's it then.
- Goodbye. -...you were bemoaning the lack of eligible bachelors.
(PHONE BUZZING) You know something? The most amazing thing has happened.
- Well, send him in. - I can see that.
Suddenly, the world is full of bachelors.
It's like that first olive out of the bottle.
- One of the olives? - No, the pickle.
And definitely dill.
- Hello, Doug. - Hi.
- Hey, you talk kind of fresh today, eh? - You look kind of fresh.
- Where's your carnation? - I checked it in, I'm on my way to New York tomorrow.
- You got your reservation? - Yup, just like that. (SNAPS)
Do you always get everything you want, like that? (SNAPS)
- Well I always try, don't you? - (PHONE BUZZING)
Yes?
Maybe I will.
Hello, Phil.
Gowan?
Oh, it sounds like fun, but I've got a date with Doug.
- Hey, you're wasting your time with that wolf. - Yes, that's the one.
- You're a stinker, McGonigle. - Well, opinions can differ...
Wait just a minute, there's someone here.
He wants me to go to Catalina on a yacht.
You're a real stinker. I bet you haven't even told him about Tommy.
As a matter of fact, Phil, my date isn't just with Doug, but
with the real love of my life. You remember Tommy?
Yes, Tommy Bassett. We're going on a picnic together.
- Now watch him run. - Oh, you're not an orphan too.
Say, maybe I can fix it for you to come along.
- If you do, I'll invite Galloway. - Alright, I'll call you.
- (MILLIE CHUCKLING) - (DOUG LAUGHING)
Goodbye.
- Shall we go? - I'm on my way, honey.
Ah, what a life. Right in travel, travelin' right.
Then I guess we won't be seeing each other for quite a while.
We could have dinner together tonight?
- Is that an invitation? - Sure it is.
Then I'd like to.
I just had a thought. Maybe I'll go back to Alaska.
You know, I remember a great, big, lonely valley up there.
That'd be a wonderful place to write a book.
- Then go to Alaska. Go to... - Hey, hey!
You know, I don't blame either Gowan or Galloway for falling for you.
- Eh, you're quite a dish, McGonigle. - I'll bet.
Suppose I were to lean over and give you a great, big, sliding kiss.
Wanna try?
I never kiss single women, they're too eager to get married.
Oh!
Where's Mr. Galloway, please?
- He's in the play room, Miss McGonigle. - Thank you.
He's such a manly little fellow.
And in a way, how much he looks like Susan, don't you think so, dear?
- Yes, they'd make a good looking team. - Millie!
Tommy.
- Look, they went and got me all dressed up. - Sh.
- Is he a good boy? - Tommy's a very good boy.
Where's Doug? When does the picnic begin?
We'll see, darling.
Now, don't make up your mind all of a sudden, Mother.
Oh, but he's just adorable.
You know that, Tommy? You're just sweet enough to eat.
- Who, me? - Watch your manners, dear.
This is Miss McGonigle, a friend of Tommy's.
- Mr. and Mrs. Wilson. - How do you do? Excuse us please.
Mr. Galloway, when can we see the boy again?
- As often as you'd like. - Tomorrow then?
- Mmhmm. - Goodbye, darling.
- Goodbye, Ma'am. - I'm certain he's just the one.
- Who are those people? - Some very nice people from Arizona.
What right have they to talk to Tommy?
- Three years ago, they adopted a little girl... - Now they want to adopt Tommy.
- As a playmate for a... - They can't have him.
Millie, it's August.
The 60 days have passed.
But it's so early in August.
- What are they going to do to me now? - Oh, darling.
The man said I could have a horse.
- Oh, Tommy. - I don't want a horse, I want you.
Oh, and I want you.
(SIGHS)
Where's Doug? He'll get me out of this!
Doug, oh sure, he'll get you out of this.
Millie, listen to me.
- Ralph, please help me. - You know how I feel about you. You must have guessed.
Yes, Ralph.
Will you marry me?
- Why, I... - The three of us wouldn't make a bad looking family.
I don't know, Ralph, I...
I like you so much.
Maybe too much.
Now what's goin' on?
Tommy, listen:
whom do you like, Mr. Galloway or Mr. Gowan?
- They're both okay. - No, I mean, whom do you like best?
If you could choose your own father, whom would you take?
Why, Doug, naturally.
- You're a big help. - Well, you asked me, didn't you?
Aren't you being a little absurd?
No, you're absurd.
You and your silly rules, trying to take Tommy away from me.
- No, I'm not... - Well, you can just tell those people from Arizona that I'll
die before I let them have him.
There goes my picnic.
- Drop me at a bus stop. - I thought we were gonna...
- I said, drop me at a bus stop. - Alright, alright.
Move to the rear of the bus, please.
There's plenty of room in the rear, folks. Kindly step back, miss.
Oh, shut up.
- Sorry I'm late. - Come in, Doug.
- Hey! - "Hey," what?
You're really gonna out-class me tonight, huh?
Doug, I've been trying like crazy to get you on the phone.
I've been saying goodbye to some friends.
I can't go to dinner with you tonight.
- Why not? - Because...
My fiance wouldn't like it.
Fiance?
- Ralph? - Phil.
Ralph asked me too.
Well, at least I'm glad you didn't do it to Ralph.
I'll do everything I can to make Phil happy.
Very pretty romance. Somebody should write a book about it.
- Why don't you? - Quite a plot.
Girl falls in love with child. Decides to get husband so she can have child.
Gets husband.
- I love a story with a happy ending. - Oh, that's not the ending.
That's where it starts.
Oh?
Does she fall in love with the husband after a while?
- Does she? - If so, what does she do about it?
Does she confess all? If so, what does he do about it?
How do you suppose the husband feels when he finds out why she married him?
Or suppose she falls in love with someone else.
Falls truly in love with someone else.
What then?
I guess that's her problem.
I'm sure you're just the gal who can handle it.
But my advice is: you never tell him.
A man likes to think that he is loved for himself alone.
He wants to believe his woman would throw away everything to be with him.
Just him.
Doug,
who are we to trade bad words when everything has turned out so well for both of us?
We ought to celebrate.
Well, I haven't a thing to drink except some ice water.
Ice water would be appropriate.
(DOOR BUZZES)
Come in, Phil. The door's unlatched.
Hello, beautiful. Oh, hello, Doug.
Hey, there was a little mix-up about dinner. (CHUCKLING)
Now you better get used to mix-ups though,
because you're marrying the most mixed-up dame in the world.
I'm satisfied.
Yeah.
Well, I'll be going.
Oh, may a friend kiss a friend's forehead goodbye? Hm?
Friend has a nice forehead. Take care of it.
Don't worry about that.
Well, every happiness.
And may all your children be...
May all your children be.
I can't go through with it, Phil.
I hope you don't mean us.
I'm terribly ashamed,
because I tried every trick to make you fall in love with me.
Well, I tried every trick too.
But you see, I hadn't had anyone to love for so long, until Tommy.
- Tommy? - And if I got married, they'd let me adopt him.
That's why I tried to make you fall in love with me.
That's not a very decent reason.
Wait a minute, Millie.
Don't look so tragic, darling. You haven't done anything so awful.
I tried to make you fall in love with me too.
My purpose when I started wasn't nearly as decent as yours.
Then I found out, somewhat to my surprise, that I wanted to marry you.
I still want to marry you, Millie.
I'm sorry, Phil. It won't work.
Are you sure?
I'm awfully sure.
Well... What are you going to do?
I don't know.
Is Mr. Galloway in?
- He's back in his office, Miss McGonigle. - Thank you.
Mr. Galloway, Miss McGonigle's on her way in to see you.
- Well, hello. - Hello, Ralph.
Millie, you've been crying.
I've been dripping like a leaky faucet all night and all day.
Shall I call the plumber?
Ralph, I've made the toughest decision I've ever had to make.
I hope I have strength enough to keep it.
You've decided to give up Tommy.
- How did you know? - You're a good girl, Millie. You're as good as they come.
Oh no, I'm not a good girl.
I'm in love, horribly.
With Doug, that rat.
"A man likes to be loved just for himself," he said.
Well, I love him that way.
(HICCUPS)
And I'm gonna follow him wherever he goes,
the heel.
And then, he won't be able to send me away, will he?
If he does, he's the greatest fool on earth.
After all, what Tommy needs is a home. (HICCUPS)
And if someone cares for him as much as I... (HICCUPS)
He'll forget me. (HICCUPS)
Here, drink this without stopping for breath.
That's only a fresh supply of tears. (HICCUPS)
Could I say goodbye to Tommy now?
- If I stop crying? - Tommy's gone.
He was taken away an hour ago.
Oh, Ralph,
how could you be so cruel?
(SOBBING)
(HICCUPS)
Did you ever see a more glorious day?
I always say that if heaven is any prettier than California,
you've got to show me.
(BIRD CHIRPING)
- Fine way to treat a bird. - Oh!
- I'm always creeping up on you. - Doug.
- Oh, Doug! - Look out for my pie!
Oh, Doug, I love you!
I gave up Tommy. I was willing to give him up.
Oh, I love you! I love you!
(STAMMERING) This is pretty disgusting McGonigle.
Now go into the bathroom and and wipe your face. You got lipstick all over your chin.
- What? - You heard me.
- Yes, Doug. - Hurry up.
- But don't go away. Promise me you won't go away. - Go on.
(GASPS)
Doug!
What did you expect?
(EXCLAIMING)
Well, the kid finally went to sleep.
I had to tell him a bed-time story.
Oh, Doug, you're not just wonderful,
you're impossible.
I'm just nuts.
I'm crazy enough to let you talk me into being a prefabricated father.
- What could I do? - I love you.
But get something straight:
one adoption in the family is enough.
There are things a man likes to do for himself.
Oh, yes?
You heard me.
Well, hello.
Hello yourself.